The Bitter End

Haven’t written in here in awhile, work has been busy and stressful lately to say the least. Yesterday I worked a thirteen hour shift, but its comp time, so hey, beach day. After this week is over though, it should die down quite a bit. Found at yesterday also that this dude  I went to high school with, who is a teacher now, got arrested for sleeping with a student; dumbass. but at work they pulled out my yearbook, it was strange seeing all of those faces again. it seems like worlds away, I can’t believe its been eight years since I graduated; and now i’m back in the school system on the other end of exams.

Growing old is a very odd feeling, its happening everyday,without realization, and then it hits you all at once in a single second, and just keeps happening.

He told me he loves me…He looked me straight in the eyes and told me, his voice quivered a little, and it made me so happy. He said that he had wanted to tell for a bit, and that he felt so much better now that he had. He looked me in the eye, and every time hes said it since then he looks me in the eyes. Matt never did, the first time he said it, I was facing the other direction.

And the next day I was comforting Shelley, I didn’t tell her, it doesnt matter, she doesnt need to hear about it now. But I cant help but find it a litle strange that four years ago she was telling me that Brian proposed, and I was hiding the fact that Matt broke up with me; now its the other way around and I’m still hiding. I dont know what that means, I guess thats just the way I am, four years ago I didn’t want to disrupt her happiness, now I dont want to make her feel even worse. Its how I think. I just want her to be happy, I want her to be happy all year round, not just half the year. I want the two of us to be happy at the same time, I often wonder why that never seems to happen.

The moral of the story is first loves are never true, and try your best to find your at the same time as your best friend.


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