Love’s an excuse to get hurt

Do you like to hurt? I do I do

 

They say you fall in love when you least expect it. Or maybe its at  the worst posible time. Either way I’m falling in love, while everything seems to be crashing around me. People I thought at least cared are disapearing, people who I thought at least cared about the people I care about are disappearing. And once again I am just left walking here alone, with my secret smile.

Listening to this song by Sia right now called “breathe me” I have absolutely no idea what she is saying in the lyrics, but I know its exactly how I feel.

Ffrom time to time, I start to think what would have happened if we had started dating right away, when we first met in the beginning of October. How it would have saved so much drama. but in my heart I don’t think it would have worked, I like to believe things happen for a reason. It just wasn’t the right time. Sometimes I think, because my heart then had to belong to Stinky. I still miss him so much, I think of him all the time, every night before I go to bed, I look for him to cuddle up with me. I wish he could have met him, but something in my heart tells me I couldn’t move on with him. Maybe since I got him a little before matt left me, he was with me though everything all of my heartache, and he was always the one to comfort me. I don’t know, I’m rambling on now, but I just think he has something to do with the timing.

I wish the world could share my secret smile, but then I guess it wouldn’t be so secret anymore.

Okay I just looked up the lyrics. How sad, but I have felt this way many, many times before.

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
I hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there’s no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch

I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Definitely. And now, and now  I have someone, who knows how to take care of me, the way I need. Which is really all I ever wanted my whole life. To feel safe and taken care of, even when the world is crashing down all around me.

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