Porcelain

I’ve been having this dream ever since I was a little girl, basically in which I am in a car, alone, sometimes in the back seat sometimes in the passenger seat, I’m steering the car, but I have absolutely no control over the gas and brake pedals. It’s a really scary dream which basically involves me screaming a lot and trying not to crash into things, I always wake up in the middle of it, so I never know how it ends. As I grew older I came to interpret this dream as meaning that I am afraid that I don’t have any control over my life. I can’t stop it and all I can really do is just try not to crash and burn.

Last night I had a somewhat different version of this dream. In it I was driving on a highway with full control over the wheel. When suddenly the car started to speed, whenever I would hit the breaks it would just go faster. I was weaving in and out of traffic trying not to hit any cars, I didn’t but I kept seeing other cars hitting each other having nothing to do with me. I thought if I touched neither of the pedals the car would slow down on its own but it didn’t. I finally found an exit ramp to get off of the highway and into a shopping plaza, when the car in front of me stopped short and I had to drive up on the grass to avoid hitting it. I sped around the parking lot for a bit still seeing other cars hitting each other when, mine finally slowed down and I was able to pull into a space. There was Dan waiting for me. I told him everything that happened and then when I saw another two cars hit each other I started to cry. Dan picked me up and carried me piggy back style, like I was a little girl, to the stores. We walked around for awhile to we found a bar that would give us free drinks if we rode on their amusement park rides. So overall the dream ended pretty happily, although the first part was definitely the most realistic and the scariest version of this dream I ever had.

I’m not sure what to take from it, but for now I am guessing that it means even though things often are out of my control, and things are crashing and falling apart all around, it will turn out okay in the end eventually, and I do have someone that can be there for me and comfort me. Now if only I could find that bar/amusement park.

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