Winter

I’m actually feeling really quite heartbroken tonight. My ring broke, the stone fell out. The ring that I wore everyday. My grandmother’s ring; I wore it everyday since the day she died. It’s funny though that it chose today to break, since it just happens to be the anniversary of the day she died.

It was very old and was starting to wear down. It had been through a lot. I’m actually not even sure how old it is. We believe that could have even belonged to my great-grandmother since it was an aquamarine and she was born in March like me. It’s square-cut and architectural golden curves gave it a 1930s feel. It probably survived through the great depression. I was wanted to get it appraised just because I was curious, but it was already worth the world to me. It had been through so much for me. I graduated college wearing it and started grad school. I lost my first love with it on and gained my second. I knew he was a good guy because on our first date it was the first thing he complimented, even it was probably just an excuse to hold my hand. Often times I would picture what that ring would look like next to my wedding ring.

I know that this all sounds silly, it’s just a piece of metal and stone after all. But that ring really meant so much to me, because my grandmother meant so much to me. It was a very little piece of her that I could always carry around with me. There were days when I would take it off to shower and forget to put it back on, I would feel so naked and wrong without it. Sometimes I would have to buy some cheapo little ring to put on just to comfort me until I got home. I don’t know what I’m going to do without it now. I think maybe I’ll look into getting it reset as a birthday present to myself.

I’m not quite sure what this means if it means anything at all. But just that fact that it would finally break on the anniversary of her death has to mean something. All I know is that I still love her and think of her often. I miss her lap, the way she smelled, her hands, her always painted nails, her kitchen, her complaints, her jokes, her accessories, her smile, her sparkle, I miss her.

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My grandparents (I sweat those glasses)

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they’re such cuties

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My family (my grandma had mad diva status!)

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my grandma and I

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