Today in made up holidays: It’s national answer your cat’s questions day. So I tried to think of what kind of questions my cat, Linus, would have for me.
Linus: Can you feed me?
Me: No it’s not your dinner time yet.
Linus: Why? I’m hungry now.
Me: You have to wait a few more hours.
Me: Because you are fat, and we need to control your eating.
Linus: But you’re fat too and you get to eat whenever you want!
Me: Yes well, I have to control my eating sometimes too. But I have thumbs so I can get my own food, you have to rely on me.
Do you have any other questions not about eating?
Linus: Can you rub my belly please?
Me: Sure, of course!
Linus: STOP RUBBING MY BELLY!
Me: Geez okay, don’t kick me!
Linus: Can you rub my belly again please?
Me: Do you have any other questions? This is your one day you’ll get answers.
Linus: Hmm. Why are birds outside.
Me: Because that’s where they live. There’s more room to fly around.
Linus: But I want them.
Me: Maybe they stay outside so they can stay away from you. Anything else?
Linus: Where do you go?
Me: What do you mean?
Linus: Sometimes your gone for a really long time and I’m alone.
Me: Well I have to go to work, or I visit people, or I go to stores.
Me: Because its just something people do. Trust me, I would much rather stay home with you than go to work!
Linus: Then why go?
Me: Because its how I make money so I can buy things.
Linus: Things like my dinner?
Linus: Can I have my dinner?
Me: Okay let’s wrap this up! Before we go and loose this ability to communicate with each other, I just want to let you know that I love you and you’re my best friend. Do you love me too?
Linus: Yes of course. And I especially love you when it’s dinner time.